this week

this week is the buzz of the flies in my window
the sight of the first two inches of snow when I woke up one morning
the ongoing harvest punctuated by the inner sound of a clock ticking
shelling beans with friends
making a fresh pot of baked beans
working away at a short about food security
reading “The Omnivore’s Dilemma” by Michael Pollan
thinking about making one more batch of apple jelly
one more batch of green ketchup
embracing the season
staying warm

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Fall

a year ago today I was waking up in London
this morning, with no major travel plans
I wake up to the beautiful scenery of fall colours

people will ask: where are you going this year?
people also ask: so how is it now that the kids are gone?

I have to say that after helping various people fixing their house
or doing this or that for their business for six month
it is good to be home and put the work here
I planted garlic yesterday
made ketchup this week
harvested beans

I have to admit that the thought of winter is a bit daunting
months and months of grey
leafless trees, life dormant, vacuity of sound
yet
I think it will be fine
it’s about how you look at it
and what you do
I’ll be busy this winter

yes the kids are gone
that’s another journey all together
the kids journey
I remember feeling so incredibly attached to my first born
I couldn’t bear the thought of ever being separated from him
now he is married
and I’m fine

I like how life takes care of things
things do fall into place at the right time
I didn’t know what it would be like to be a duo after all these years of being a family
but as the kids left
one by one
as I saw them blossom
embrace their new world
I could only be happy
as long as they are well
I’m fine

to be honest I love when they come for a visit and hate when they leave
I get this awful empty feeling
a physical malaise, not pain per say but let’s call it strong melancholia
and then it evaporates
by the next day it’s gone

I feel like that’s the way it should be
the way nature intends it to be

what made my day this week
eating one fig from the fig tree in the greenhouse
I had never eaten a fresh fig
I never thought it could grow here
this one fig managed to ripen fully
I cut it in half
both my husband and I marveled at it’s delicate taste
as it dissolved in our mouths

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20 / 20

it seems like I’ve been wearing glasses all my life
not allll my life but from about the age of ten, glasses have been part of my features

I remember the yearly eye exam we would get at school
we’d be waiting in line for our turn to decipher series of letters on a board
as I didn’t want to wear glasses (worried by classmates potential reaction)
I would try to memorize as many letters as I could
I don’t think that worked really well

I remember once finding my brothers glasses on the bathroom counter
I closed the door, tried them on, looked out the window

I remember the leaves on the tree
finely outlined, sharp
beautiful

either I stopped memorizing or got caught with my eyes squinting
one thing was clear, I needed glasses
and I got some

the kids at school were kind
fear had nothing to do with reality

throughout the years I’ve had several kinds of glasses
I remember one particularly ugly pair I wore in high school
– my dad’s pick
they were huge plastic rim glasses of indescribable color
which I hid behind banks long enough to cover them

what I wanted was some lovely delicate rimmed round glasses
which eventually were offered to me as a birthday present
I had the John Lennon look for many years
until those too were replaced

I don’t remember ever breaking my glasses
they were my best companion
on my nose they went first thing in the morning
only to leave as I rested my head on the pillow at night

in the past few year
as I aged
came the need for bifocals
I adjusted to that
I would take my glasses off when I read at night
close to my face the words in my book were sharp

lately though I was having trouble with my camera
maybe trouble isn’t the right word
it was just difficult to find focus
find the right distance between lens and screen and eye
I figured as a photographer I should probably get my eyes fixed
this is my first lens after all
laser surgery has been around long enough
all the people I know that had the surgery done love it
time to invest, give it a shot

and so it’s done
did it last Thursday
it took no time
a quick cut of the cornea
some laser reshaping
flip that flap back
next
out

girl you got 20 / 20

how is it?
you happy?

I have to say yes
how couldn’t I
yet I’m not like “wow, amazing”
I’m like “what happened to my super near clear vision”
I want it all
I knew I wouldn’t get it all but still
didn’t quite realize I’d loose that

in some ways I’ve had clear vision most of my life
glasses helping of course
and obviously I will still need glasses
except now it’s when I read

but really how is it?
20 / 20 right now
I’ll tell you
I’ve traded cinematic for HD
I am a romantic
so I’m getting use to HD

 

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