one week ago

one week ago I was thinking
surrounded by our kids
like if it was christmas
that I would look back at this week end one week from now
that I would be there already
would have filled my eyes
would be settled in a new space
would sit back and reflect

there was a dose of anxiety
some excitement, some last minute check in
the list, adding to it, scratching items as I went
the piles of clothes, and gear, and little object to pack, unpack, repack
what will I need
what to bring
what am I forgetting
insurance, money, reservations
why isn’t Pedro getting back to me
yes Alessandro will pick us up
should I reserve train tickets online or at the station
online, now
Pedro won’t be there but Giulio will meet us with keys
airbnb
90 days in Italy
first stop Firenze

two of our kids accompany us to the airport
wait in line
figure out the tickets
walk us to the gate
we wave
a funny feeling that we are on the wrong side
as if they were the ones that should be boarding

you two look younger, you should travel more often

I take my shoes off before passing the security check
bins for the laptop and phone
bins for the handbag, coat
I walk through, it beeps
the belt: metal on the belt
take the belt off and walk through
don’t stop

I mimic others
ones that seem to do this all the time
I feel like a kid
I often do
lift off
this feeling of being pushed back in the seat
the ground far below in no time
this is it

overnight flight, three planes, not enough sleep, Blade Runner on a tiny screen
in Munich we must go through custom in order to get to our boarding gate
the officer must be my kids age, he is friendly
how long is your stay? this way for the gate

was that it
yes
at the very small airport in Firenze no one will check us

I have been studying italian for weeks on duolingo
time to practice
dov’e … dov’e… ?
how do we say bus to downtown
why didn’t duolingo teach me that
I know how to say that the horse does not eat sugar
it won’t get me downtown though

it’s a grey rainy day
the streets are busy
no one pays attention to us
the streets meander, change names, it takes a while but we find our apartment and Giulio is there with the keys
friendly

over the next two days we will explore the city
get lost in it’s outskirts
eat at a famous trattoria
have the most delicious paninis
drink wine and some more wine
get struck by the unreal beauty of the Duomo
be one of so many tourists
walk the streets again and again
visit the Uffizi gallery
admire the talent of medieval artists

the journey begins
we must put our shoes on
today we are going to Assisi

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freezing fog

freezing fog is the weather forecast this morning
looking out the window I can’t tell
maybe I don’t see it

invisible freezing fog

there is no frost in the window
but I know it will be cold
a different cold
the kind of cold that enters your bones

it comes innocuously
it doesn’t seem like its there
slowly, it enters
until your whole body is frozen

like the invisible fog this morning
who may wrap itself around the trees
without me knowing
I must be vigilant

I go out and put extra layers
I grab my camera
it feels extra heavy
what’s up with that ?

I find all sorts of tracks outside
I quite like the tiny ones
there is much traffic from a stone to some hole in the ground
local watering hole ?

I walk through the forest, I take my time
nature enwrapped in frozen stillness
the silence only broken by a crow passing by
I look at tracks, at trees

there is a heaviness inside of me
the fog is settling in

 

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grey

it’s a grey day
even undisturbed lighting
no contrast
it is quiet
the silence only broken by a passing car

I am visiting my mom this week
there is comfort in the layout of her home
my venue makes soft ripples in her daily routine
she is a woman of habit
sometimes it feels like she walks a tightrope
changes can easily throw her off balance

her condo is set in a new development
every time I come it extends
several for sale signs have been hanging for months
yet the buildings keep popping up

I look out the window
fascinated by the lives each of these building units hold
all of them boxed up side by side
coming and going
to work, to school, to walk a dog
each a world of their own

my mom has gone to church
I have been wondering about faith
the experience of the divine
I am thankful for my mom’s practice
it is a personal affair
one that fulfills her

in this quiet grey morning
I wonder about belonging, community, and personal journey
walking a tight rope
finding balance where we can

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